Monday, May 30, 2005
Chapter17: Independent
Today... i finally ready to put down my emotions... it's time to work... i plan out the way i wan to settle my things... ord, work, study, buy uniforms, move house, injection,etc... dun care about her already... i can't be wandering around like this becos of her... i have to hold myself up... i suffered all the way these years not for fun... i know, the suffering will be more if i choose my way like this... work study work study... but.... i once told my mum,'if there's a need to suffer in order to get independence,i will not hesitate to be suffer...' i once heard of this story...'a lion throw his cub into the valley..' Y? becos he wan his son to be independence n start his own family... if i'm the cub, then i will jump into the valley myself.................................
4:46 PM

Sunday, May 29, 2005
Chapter16: Memoir
Memoir
This is the photo we took on big walk.... i like this pic alot.... i feel the warmth.... the happiness.... i missed her....
9:26 PM

Saturday, May 28, 2005
Chapter15: Planning is the Key
I once saw this poster in primary school.... "If u fail to plan,u r planning to fail..." Something like this... I think this is correct ba.... use it on the bigger things.... Actually i felt tt, if u wan to do a planning u need to analyse, observe,etc.... it's difficult.... for things tt changes unpredictably, is even more difficult.... Of cos.... no matter how well u plan but u dun have the determination n interest to do it,it's also useless....
8:03 PM

Chapter14: Change
The only constant in life is changes.... Someone told me this... ya right... i changes too.... for the past few years,i changes incredibly... i had been through some things where some friends of mine haven't been through... make me says 'life sux'.... 'how i wish i'm dead'... etc..... but i still think alot of these phrase r right... n these phrase make wat i am now... Sometimes,i changes realli fast tt even myself dun really sure who i am.... yeah.... but i still have a long way to go... now... i'm changing frequently again.... haha.... i think this is the real me... i think so.... life sux,but always beautiful.... without changes, life won't be so beautifull n exciting.... trust me....
7:11 PM

Friday, May 27, 2005
Chapter13: My Prayers
Oh, my god above the highest place in heaven,
this guy name Kevin...
I didn't meet him before,
but my friend Aries
is truthfully wishing he will be good...
Wishing that he will be happy,
this love of friendship is great...
~
Oh, my god above any mortal,
let this guy name Kevin,
make him suffer the pain in the deepest hell,
let him feels the grieve he can ever felt...
Ah...
How painful will it be...
But...
~
Oh, my greatest god we could ever know,
please don't let him die...
once he is raised from the hell,
he will know,
he will know the warmth and happiness,
around him...
~
Oh, Devils and Angels...
please give this kind hearted soul,
name Kevin,
all kind of hope he deserved...
all kind of torture he needs...
soon,
one day,
the storms will be over,
even another storm comes,
he will be able to stand alone...
~
Ah...
May god bless u...
~Kevin~
10:28 PM

Chapter12: A split road...
Am i right or wrong.... i often ask myself this question.... to double check myself.... the topic is.... if i continue to wear this mask n dun let other ppl know my true feelings, is it good or bad.... This is how i analyse.... if i carry on like tt, yeah, no one will harm me mentally so easily... so,clearly i will be seeing the person's motive.... even the person knows all this he also will have a hard time to make use of me.... but the bad point is i will have a hard time knowing a true friend.... or even a gf...normal human's sense will make them not to be close to me... opposite of this.... if i show my true personality n true feelings, alot of ppl maybe hurt by me.... n most probably i will have a hard time working with enemies around me.... of cos i may find some true friends.... keke.... which way should i go.... now.... i accidentally let a gal know my true feelings.... n she's so guilty n sorry for wat she did to me....
So, which way should i go? left turn or right turn... or.... walk straight....-_-"
8:02 PM

Chapter11: The MASK
Went to camp this morning.... Aaaaargh.... once my foot get pass the gate,my weight increased n felt strengthless... haiz.... nvm... go up bunk n found tt my big head boss still haven't come... they say perhaps afternoon then come.... heh... not so bad.... ok go for breakfast at blk 18.... erm... i'm on diet.... maybe should just drink something.... ordered a tey-ping.... on the table there's bernard,mike,kok hong,chee keong,ashley n me.... buddies.... hehe i tot at first.... but the environment gives me tt bad feeling again... erm.... somethings wrong.... can't c.... but can feel.... just like normal, talk cock sing song play mahjong.... haha,so happy... suddenly kok hong walk off.... didn't even notice untill bernard says, y he like tt.... huh? wat's wrong? totally dun know.... ha, wat they say is becos something to do with kok hong's off n something to do with ashley... for the rest of the day i try to talk to kok hong, n understand the matter n hope he dun becos of a little problem then show this kind of attitude.. we were once happily together suffering.... afternoon,went cook house for lunch with kok hong.... broke nowadays... eat free food better... haha... sit beside shern n adam... shern is a cool n nice guy... but adam is a bloody cock.... he just boosting all the way.... luckily he's not working with me.... so,i indirectly scolded him when we r chatting.... haha very soon he finish his food n get off.... hoho... went up canteen with shern n drink some coffee... kok hong follows... the whole camp onli two of us youngsters drink black coffee.... haha... nice...one of my friend make a lie n say he got cheap handphone on sale.... shern, hazre, n mak pay him money n hope to get the phone.... not a small sum.... now my friend say his friend ran away with the money n uncontactable.... ha... shern had a fight with him not long ago.... then shern ask me.... y i still so close with him.... he dun think i'm a bad guy,so he tell me frankly... i know.... he's not a good guy.... i even lend him 50 bucks n yet he haven't return me.... but wat can i do? wack him? quarrel with him? no thanx.... he's closely working with me n i still need his help.... i'm just putting a mask.... sometimes humans have to wear mask, just in case ppl will harm u, n making use of some ppl.... y can't kok hong do this? he still got one more year b4 he can leave.... suddenly, the bad feeling came.... am i right or wrong.... haiz....
7:31 PM

Chapter10: AWAKEN from the SHALLOW SLEEP, and soon it's TIME TO SAY GOODBYE...
All the way i think this is just a dream.... finally i awakes.... the reality comes back.... horrible.... no confidence tt i will survive.... ay.... when i become so weak.... i have to be strong... starting to let ppl know my feeling.... no problem.... this will not happen anymore.... time to face this world again....
2:05 PM

Thursday, May 26, 2005
Chapter9: Sad...
Slacked for this few days.... finally have to do some work.... when back camp in the morning... my big head boss call me to do things again.... bloody hell.... i'm already a ord personel he still call me to do so many things.... haiz.... nvm.... soon all will be over.... but every other guys r slacking.... hehe.... i also can slack.... talk to friends something about business.... heh.... learn something.... ok 12 o'clock.... time to go home.... went back home n c sis watching show.... join her.... watch the dvd 'moon child' i lend her.... 3rd time watching.... she thinks it's quite nice.... funny.... y those gals say it's not nice? haha after tt i went to my grand ma house with some clothes.... she had a headache.... went to bed early.... sit down n watch tv.... msging her.... but she's busy with her friends.... fine.... dun disturb her.... suddenly tt strange feeling comes again.... haiz.... bad feeling.... when i'm happy with something, this feeling always come.... make me cut my smile.... wat a pain.... time to go home.... the feelings with me all the way when i'm on the train.... got online n chat with her.... she tell me she's not ready for this relationship.... ha.... just as wat i guessed.... she happy then it's fine with me.... but as i always say.... dun regret on wat u decides... dun turn back....
2:35 AM

Wednesday, May 25, 2005
Chapter8: Alone with her to City Hall...
Went City Hall with her.... So happy.... But hope to meet earlier.... But she dun wan... Nvm.... Just let her decide wat she wans... Have a feeling,wat we r now may not last.... Of cos i won't let everything just go like tt.... But just in case i really can't help it.... So i decided to make her happy... She's important to me.... kind of boring going everywhere.... just tell her my memories.... City Hall is a place with my worst memories.... Soon enough... she got a stomach pain.... send her back to yishun.... then we found a nice place n sit down n chat.... know alot about her past.... felt very sad n angry for her.... will not ever hurt her like tt.....
2:03 PM

Monday, May 23, 2005
Chapter7: Big walk 2005
Agreed to go to big walk with yun, ying n xia.... dunno is a correct choice anot.... 10 km.... not very long.... walk onli.... i last time run b4.... tot should be nothing for me.... but.....every km i walk i feel very tired.... not physically.... is mentally.... i even close my eyes n walk..... when we reach the 5 km check point i decided to stop.... cos it's beside suntec.... we went for our breakfast.... then spend our time at coffee bean, talk cock for half a day.... then i suggested to go to cos way point.... met jasmine, our secondary school maths teacher.... had dinner with her.... then we got home..... i send her home.... hold her hand n walk for the first time.... just like bf n gf.... realli happy.... get back home.... she told me she's ready for this relationship.... so happy.... hahahhahahaha!!!! eh? something strange just went through my mind..... nvm.... c wat going to happen next.....
2:50 PM

Sunday, May 22, 2005
Chapter6: Rainy night...
Chat with her....she said wan to meet me.... we meet up for dinner.... try to let her know how i feels.... giving her more advice to make her happy.... just wan her to be happy.....
2:30 PM

Friday, May 20, 2005
Chapter 5: Whole day with her...
Wake up in the morning, first thing kanna scold by my brother... becos of wearing his underwear.... bloody hell... on my com n start thinking wat she say to me yesterday...she make me felt tt we r impossible... n say tt we better be friends... felt quite sad.... but she agreed to go out eat breakfast with me.... i meet her at ya kun... she treat me.... we just talking like normal... i was thinking if we can't be in the relationship, i at least hope tt we r friends.... ya... but.... i still cannot control myself n kissed her.... kindda happy... she nvr push me away.... from then on i just wan her to be happy...
1:09 PM

Tuesday, May 17, 2005
Chapter4: Alone with u...
The first time i kiss ur hand
ur face is red...
U must be thinking tt i'm joking
but
i didn't know tt i'm so serious before...
2:15 PM

Sunday, May 15, 2005
Chapter3: Outing number2!!!
Went out with Ying n Yun yesterday again.... Ying went home at 8 o'clock.... We send her to the busstop then waited for her bus to come then i send yun home.... When we reach yishun park then we find a place to sit down.... We talk for almost 3 hours then we change location... Storm clouds cover the sky with alot of thunder rolling over... When we reach coffee shop, after awhile the storm comes... Heavy rain... No matter where we sit around the coffee shop we still hits the rain drops.... Untill we go deep into the market n sit inside of the coffee shop... We really talk alot tt night... Understand each other more n more... Unbelievable... A person i had not contact for almost 4 years, now we r so close... Maybe even closer... Even more closer... No one knows... Is this storm fated? N is the choice i made a good one? Keke...
10:46 PM

Thursday, May 12, 2005
Chapter2:Outing...
Went outing with my secondary school friends, Yun n Ying.... So happy... Had been a very long time I ever see them.... Ying didn't change much, but Yun changes a little.... Ate dinner with them, after that when to yishun pond n chat with them.... Don't feel like leaving them.... Hope can chat the whole night.... Thanx gals....
Yun n Me
8:01 PM

Wednesday, May 11, 2005
Chapter1: My blog starts here; First Chapter

Chapter1:Me
This is me... I decide to write this blog is to let my worthy friends know about my feelings n things happen to me when they r no longer so close to me.... But remember, to me once a friend always a friend... Even i hate u, u will still be my friend.... Erm, but pls forgive if i write anything wrong... Pls give comments, so i can edit wat is wrong... N, pls forgive if my english is too lousy... But as singaporean shouldn't be too difficult to understand... Thank u......
10:50 PM
