LVYN

Wednesday, September 28, 2005
Chapter75: Decide

I had already decide...
I decide to close my heart n throw it into the ice to preserve it... not untill someone can satisfy wat i wan... it may be childish... but tt's my choice...
I had already decide...
I decide to cut my hair short... n this moment i already cut them off... not very short... but it's short...
I had already decide...
I decide to carry on with wat i wan n nvr turn back... till death...

7:33 PM
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Tuesday, September 27, 2005
Chapter74: Influence

U know? everybody is being influenced by one n other... no matter how strong the person is... with a close friend of a different type he or she sure will get influenced... depends on how much u r being influenced... the older will get lesser... but not
necessary... haha... i think i'm still young... always kanna influenced... i love to watch comic... one of them is call 'naruto'... haha when my friends got problems i always tell them something lame about naruto...
Example... My friend fifi, lao jon n ah di... lao jon call fifi to go orchard... then fifi say ok... then ah di call fifi go cosway point first with him... then fifi dunno y say ok also... then lao jon say fifi pang seh him... then he dunno how... then i go tell fifi... "i got a way... use 'kage-bun shin-no jutsu' can liao!!" it's a ninjutsu tt can split urself into alot of body... tt means there will be alot of u, not onli one... then one fifi can go with lao jon another can go with ah di la... haha so lame... but dunno when i kanna influence tt much...
Example 2... everytime on mrt or outside i have to c gals wearing very sexy, or those beautiful gals... then i will think... 'if i got byakugan then good liao...' it's a x-ray eye tt can c through things, n zoom in zoom out... haha i siao siao liao... c too much comic...
Although i oso influence ppl with significant results... but i myself already changing like hell liao... but one thing about me is i will hold those things i think is principle ones, very very tight... not so easily change by others...

3:00 PM
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Chapter73: Failure

Haha... wat a stupid song... cos it's written by a low english educated japanese... but wat i like is the music... quite nice....
Haiz... today morning went to practical in school... topic lamb shank... we can do it all we like... most important is the plating... cos the tutors won't taste it... some of the items served cold also nobody knows... but the appearance must be good... testing on our creativity in the plating... i saw a nice n creative plating online yesterday... but i just copy blindly... wat i did wrong? first, the bone of lamb shank should be able to stand in order to produce height in plating... i choose a lousy one... second, the sauce i use is not dark enough... untill now i still can't get a dark reddish sauce... y? sure can do one... practice is the key... third, the tutor says earlier, need to produce a dish for fine dining... he ask me... if tt night got 80+ pax in the restaurant then am i able to do all the same plating? haha nothing to say... onli can say i copy blindly...
Haiz... sometimes life really sucks alot... while cooking i just can't smile... cos i got a feeling tt i did something wrong... then my friends around me keep on saying i do like tt not correct like this not correct... so fan... if i'm grouping with u then i should listen some of ur ideas, but i'm doing alone... wat's wrong with the creation of my n urs? not the same la... in the end even i did it wrongly i can get advice from tutor wat... dunno y... the more my friends say i'm wrong the wronger i did... just dun like them telling me wat to do... i'm here to learn things... no matter how good is ur advice u still have to listen to tutor's advice wat... haiz... too emotional liao... always like this one...
When i plan wat i'm going to do last night, i already think very detail... know fully wat i wan... but when i stand in front of the stove... the pressure is on... at home i dun really feel this... the school stove, as if cursed, brings on the pressure... make my brain blank... with the plan i have, i still manage to do it all... last time i can't even stand the pressure n even cut my hand often... but now at least better... i'm not injured at all while i doing at such speed... but when i came to something out of my plan then i can't think of ideas... even if i could think, often i will forget to apply at the last minute... haiz... maybe becos of ppl around me... i hate ppl to look at me while i'm performing... another thing is the heat... as hot as hell man... lastly maybe the kitchen is crowded... i can't concentrate in crowded place... somemore everyone is holding knife n hot pan... scare accident...
Haiz...it's such a wonderful thing but i did it so stressfully... should think of a way to solve it... haiz... i fail myself...

U know?

I love playing chinese chess when I'm young...

When I start,

I started losing...

But guess how many times I lose before I win for the first time?

Eighty over times I guess...

Learn from mistake,

This is wat i learn when I play chess...

2:27 PM
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Chapter72: His Song; GOOD-MORNING HIDES

Music: Hyde /Words: Sakura

The scene you accept and you see
It’s easy for me to understand
It must be the same as mine
Why are not they tired?
Why are not they tired?
I don’t do the thing like that
I just do it instead

~
If a morning starts at the moment
when you wake up
It has been morning still now
I don’t need a night
I can not define this place
Except a certain additional value
Everything is unnecessary
It’s ok, if your destination is the same
The scene will never change

~
The scene you accept and you see
It's easy for me to understand
It must be the same as mine
The scene they accept and they see
It’s different from mine,
I don’t imagine
I don’t do the thing like that
I just do it instead

~
It seems it has been morning
I’ll keep this morning no matter
I spend much time, I go far away
I don’t need a night yet
I can take it like this
They will keep their night forever more
You don’t need the night at this moment
By the time when the morning turns
into the noon
My action will be harmonized

~
Why did no you show it?
Why did not you notice it?
Where is your scene from everything?
please tell me now
Why did not you have it?
Why did not you repeat it?
I don’t do the thing like that
I just do it instead

~
"Yes, everything is an imagination"…
"Yes, it’s also a realization"

~
Why did not you show it?
Why did not you notice it?
Why did not you have it?
Why did not you repeat it?
Why did not you have it?
Why did not you repeat it?
I don’t do the thing like that
Wish I’ve done it instead

2:17 PM
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Monday, September 26, 2005
Chapter71: New Season (Look into my eyes)

Haha it's time for the new season... Starting of the second semester... this is the time where creativity counts... haha time to workhard... i will not give water liao... miss school in some sense... but not really... haha dunno la... my new schedule is quite good... already planned... if i work on my this schedule i can at least get 700+ per month... with alot of time to study n sleep... if i have lesser time to study, then i can earn at least 900+, if i sleep lesser i can get 1300+... but i won't wan to choose the last two option... especially the last one... cos tt's the time my sharingan n byakugan will come out... haha jk... tt means my red eyes n veins around my face will start to come out...
Last week's experience is good... now i think of working i'm so happy... doing something i like... so relax... n now schools work is getting into the serious part, where everybody will show their creativities... where i can inspire my creativity from them... hehe so excited... haha although oftenly we will have to face scoldings... just leave it... if it's ur mistake, learn it... if not, just take tt they pay u for scolding u... haha putting down some load, although there r hidden problems deep in me, n some problems coming in all directions, but i'm not tt afraid now...
Guys n gals hold up urself... i can face it, u too can face it... keke... i can c a big big trouble coming one the way after this 3 months... i will be ok...

~
Look into my eyes...
If u wan to know how i feels...
They will tell u...
And please trust them...

9:44 PM
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Chapter70: Reset

I've been reset
To face the seasons
Once again...
~

Nowadays I found tt I have gone back to 3 years ago...
Flirting all my way...
Itching hands go out of track...
~

Cos 3 years ago is the worst history of my life...
Maybe I'm just forcing too hard on myself out of the hole I'm in....
Bringing myself back to the hole i skipped 3 years ago...
~

God Damn problems drop on me...
I had nothing left...
Except this body...
And memories...
The song u left behind...
The stupid face n that laughter...
The mouth always bitting both lips...
Other than tt r hatred which r not important anymore...
I've been reset...
~

The love to you is alive in me...
Oh, everyday...
For love.You are aside of me...
Oh, everyday...
~

The warmth I feel where the cold inspires...
The darkness i see with lights all around me...
The love I imagines when loneliness is covering me...
But I'm afraid tt I would want to be alone when u are hugging me truthfully...
~

So let me be reset to that time

Where I'm alone in the darkness...
Where my heart is frozen...
Where the cold preserves my heart...
Let me see the happiness on ur face from inside...
Let me hear the laughter u brings to ur love ones...
I'll say it deep in my heart to myself...
"Love U"

8:19 PM
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Saturday, September 24, 2005
Chapter69: Just the way u want it

I can get control of myself... My money, my time, my energy... But not u... if i get control of u, then wat's the fun?
The thing's y life so interesting is becos u dunno wat's happening tml... i knew this long ago, another thing is, there's no one totally the same, point of view, faces, genes, bloodlines, lots of things... this creates something special between each other, no matter we r enemies, competitors, family, friends or even lovers... in different situation with different person, creates different matter on this big world... hence, u won't be the best in the world, cos u dunno who's at the another corner of the world... this is wonderful... reaching for higher limits... but lastly it's time... as wat we know, no matter how, u have to die... so situation changes billion billions of times every moment... how wonderful...
So before u die, do the way u want it... whether will it be ur regrets... just do it, it will be fine... i really love her now... but it's now... tml? dunno... so if she dun choose me now, she may regret... or maybe not... so just the way u want it... regrets is future tense, regretting is present tense, regretted is past tense... which one u wan? haha u c u like u take...

5:09 PM
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Chapter68: Changes...

The onli consistency is changes... no one can completely c true the changes in this world... even my idol Dr. Zhuge Liang... haha he's great... he the onli genius i heard of in this world... n just now i perform something tt is as genius as wat he always did... changing the whole situation into wat u wan just by words... these few days i learn how to speak better in ritz carlton so maybe becos of this i able to change the whole situation...
My father is a stubborn rock... can't change him easily... my grandma is a tougher one... my father wanted my grandma go up yishun n live with them... then i also have to go up... then farrer park this house will be rent to outside ppl... then use the money to hire a maid to take care of her in yishun... like tt 7 person stay in yishun... so squeezy... now i go back yishun i also no place to sleep have to sleep sofa, if this really happen then i think i can sleep toilet liao...
Really leh... dunno wat my dad thinking... then my bro quarrel with him... he say if grandma comes up, i n my bro will go find house rent... my bro also a stubborn ass... think this kind of things is genetic one... haha i also la... but this time i'm able to be cool n think it through... my grandma dun like to hire a maid... she say she can move can walk y hire a maid? she so angry when she heard this... i make her even more angry... then i tell her, i got a way to solve this... this maid is my brother-in-law's grandma's maid... so complicated... but it's the fact... then his grandma's dead so give the maid to us... when i not at home if my grandma fall down she can call ambulance... then i got alot of clothes no time wash, she also can wash for me... but house work like cooking n sweeping let my grandma do herself... cos she love it... if really too free my maid can go up yishun to help my mum... this is also the fact... then i say it's around 300+ my dad mum n bro give 100 each... this is a LIE... haha it's 600... then other 300 i give loh... so she accept it...
I have been busy with my school exams n my work, didn't have the time to settle the problems at home... within one week, changes happen out of control... i didn't c through it... all these are my dad's plan... i already can c wat's going to happen next... hope it's true la... then i can plan ways to settle...
Another change i didn't c is my body... i'm so sick before i start working... plus 3 days nvr sleep... but now i'm alright, except nose block... so funny... erm... working cures illness... erm... i shall work more... hoho c doctor no use one... hohohoho...

4:20 PM
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Chapter67: Back from war2; My way of living...

Tt night... wednesday... my station captain told me... "u do fast fast then do properly, i 11 o'clock let u go break for awhile ok?" then i try my best to do everything to perfect... then by 11 o'clock i ask her, can i go? then she say i finish topping up the 2 side stations in 15 mins then she let me go... wtf... my fastest timing is 30 mins... maybe i lousy tt time la... but i manage to finish it in less than 15 mins with my sprain ankle... then she still carry on to make me do work......ccb..... i thinks she's not really tt bad la... just kanna influence... but i didn't tot tt she will go this far... so i promise myself, next time i work with her i will sabo her...
But this is wrong... thursday night i work with her... i do things as fast as a turtle... dun give a damn... in the end she running here n there... haha shiok... then i heard... someone complain our service fuck up.... our manager william come down scold my supervisor... i dun wan this kind of things to happen...
Reputation of our restaurant drop... hotel reputation also drop... just becos i one person... then i wake up... yesterday tt customer, mr dunno wat muthu, come again... i chat with him... he's grateful for my service, didn't expect i send the thing up personally... b4 he goes he pass me 2 tangarins..." hey alvin, please send them to my room again... i love eating them while i watch tv..." -_-""" wtf...
Ya, today i told my manager about this matter then he say if got next time, either i give to room service or take the service lift, no need key one... haha so i take lift go up, press bell no one open leh... then i go down leave it to conciege... they leave a msg to him say tt the tangarins is below, if he wan they can find room service to give him... but by 1 o'clock he didn't reply then they will throw it away... for the sick of service, after i finish my job, i go check whether he's back... but he's not... i can't leave it outside his door wat... so rude... so leave it to conciege... i have done my best liao... i woke up... even though i dun like tt person but i still have to do the task given to me with low pay... y? becos i love the job... serving good customers is quite shiok... bringing happiness to them, it's really my pleasure n it's no pressure... haha...
Y i hate her? she dun have to give me tt break, it's a priviledge, but she wans... n i given her 2 chance but she do different from wat she says... y am i suffering from all this work? money, interest, and promise... i promise kok cheng i will work for those days i plan... it's difficult to find replacement n it's worst to take mc... someone said this..." i will nvr take back wat i says, this is my way of being a ninja..." haha from naruto la... for me, is i will nvr take back wat i says, unless something very emergency, if not i will not take back... this is my way of living...

3:48 PM
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Chapter66: Back from war; The only survivor...

Halo everybody!! i'm back... i had just been through a war at ritz carlton... haha... i have been working 8 hours for 2 nights, then carry on with 16 hours for 4 days continuously... the thing is before i start all this i'm already sick... plus 3 days nvr sleep... haha but i'm not dead... alot of my college ask me, am i crazy or wat... wat if i cannot hold myself? i told them if i really collapsed then too bad, but i won't, as long i'm consious... the most die la... haha...
I'm really very tired these few days... especially wednesday... cos tuesday night got big function, clear the whole restaurant left 4 tables... then put back within 1 hour... shack like dunno wat... then on wednesday morning, those who work with me on tuesday night all off, left me... onli i survive... of cos i wan off too, but i already agree with my supervisor tt i will come, somemore becos of money... haiz... bo bian... 3 person give me morning call, first is my supervisor kok cheng, then i sleep back, then is my part time wife yoke yee(hehe joking de la), then i sleep somemore, lastly is my trainer samantha... the horrible voice is like," Ooi! wake up liao la..." immediately stand up then get out of my house... so horrible... she's the most scary person in green house... worst then my assistant manager cheryl... but seriously, becos i so hardworking these few days, she become closer to me n willing to teach me more things... she's kind n friendly, although sometimes like to stare at me... haha...
The best part is got a stupid guest wan me to send 3 tangarins to his room... so i take lift go up... but ritz carlton the lift special, not u wanna go up then can go up... need key de... then got a few customers go in with me, n the last one is stop at 15 floor... but tt guest stay at 30th floor... wat to do? i climb up another 15 floor in 5 mins plus... 3 floor one min plus... sprain my ankle... then come back down kanna scold y i so stupid go give tangarins to tt customer... cos we r closing they need my help... nvm... the best thing is i saw some full timer drinking coffee behind... ccb... luckily my manager help me, tt night my temper reach limit again...

3:20 PM
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Wednesday, September 14, 2005
Chapter65: Move on!!! (Son of a Pussy)

'I'm so tired... i dun feel like moving even my finger... i was catching the fishes inside the river for the whole day... i didn't even catch one... using rocks to catch then is stupid... using sticks to kill them is even worst... the sticks i can get is too weak, although i sharpen them with rocks beside the river... i'm hungry n tired... i can't do anything... i will die here... "drip"... it's raining... i open my mouth... wat's tt feeling i had when i 'm asleep just now? someone i realli wan to treasure... very very important person... if i die here i will nvr had the chance to c her again... i dunno who is she... but i will wan to know... "UNKNOWN is frightening... dunno whether u will survive the next day is even frightening... but... tml is always unknown... even everything is planned well but as long the ones above dun approve, everything will be done for... just like TITANIC... no matter it's now, in peace time, or in war time... u will nvr know wat's going on tml, except chances to die is higher in different circumstances..."
I will be okay in no time... i slowly stand up on my limbs... unstable... erm? it's cold... think i better wear something... looking at my pants... hmmm... i got an idea... my pant's make of jeans material... very strong... i got a belt with me... looks new... so i tie the two holes my legs go through... so fish won't go through... but water is possible... then at the river side there's a tree... i tie my belt on the tree n on the pants... i hold the other side of the pants... but my legs can't reach the ground... so i have to trap water... i dunno whether i can catch one... but try la... erm? one get in straight away... haha good good... take the fish on shore n cover with my shirt n give it a punch... K.O! leave it there... catch again...
The place is raining... the river is flowing damn fast... it's tiring... i think i already trapping for half n hour... caught 3... big one... but i'm hungry... eh? one more caught... all r sea bass... it's raining... no way i can light a fire... so i eat them raw... yucks... but no choice... i have to... after eating, i go back n catch again... i was in the river trapping water for 3 hours i think... got 22 fishes... wrapped them up with my shirt... n i carry on over the river to the woods... second part of the woods... i have to move on... i can't die...'
Haha... near to the end of exams... good... but i have very little confidence to past this time... food knowledge... sian ah!!! watever.. i can do nothing now... sad... so just leave it... i have to move on... i was slacking this few weeks... i'm tired of planning things everyday... have to becareful, have to be perfect... when comes to doing is even worst... must have the determination... haiz... it's tough... sometimes i feel like sleeping n nvr wake up again... dun feel like moving my fingers even abit... keke the story guy at least he got someone to pursue... but me?
The thing i wan to pursue seems impossible to reach... i'm not a genius... n i believe being hardworking can win genius... issit true? i nvr meet one... but no matter how, i will nvr lose to anyone... funny huh? i'm lost again... learning how to let go now... although i totally dun feel like letting go... 'My life'... i wan to know who u r... i will nvr be able to let go... but i'm scared u r gone... just like i'm scared tt she's gone... so i have to let go... just like how i let go of her... just dun bother her... let her be wat wans... just let her think tt i'm dead...
I already said, since u dun wan me to know y u hate me... then it's ok... i will not bother u anymore... take care n good bye...
'This part of the woods is more cooling... but it's still thick... maybe becos it's at night... i'm too mad to get out of this forest... who the hell will travel at night of this kind of forest... can't c a shit... my torch still working... but abit dim this time... getting even dimmer... n off-ed... dead... how am i going to move on in this place... mosquitoes everywhere, funny sound everywhere... it's raining... but no rain can touch me... the shade is too thick... but i saw something this time... a greenish light is in front of me... around 1 km... i can't c clearly... but wat's tt actually... i will c...'

2:15 PM
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Tuesday, September 13, 2005
Chapter64: Tell me why~~

Hey yesterday went to lao jon's chalet... tot may have something good to do or really go study... but in the end play dai di for almost 50 rounds or more ba... luckily i got a little skill, lose less than 4 dollars... normally gamble i will sure lose alot one... haha who call me to be so sway...
Earlier part we r so sian b4 vincent come... we wanted to call gals come... try n try all dun wanna come... onli 3 of us.... vincent come liao also 4 guys... sian ah... got more ppl good ma... not necceserily gals la... but i msg some gals... no one wan to come... haiz... then i try all my guts to msg 'her'... nvr think tt she will reply... but she replies... sho happy... then i try asking her, y she hates me... but she dun wanna answer... haiz... y? someone tell me pls? ay 'my life', u gal right? tell me leh... i really dunno... then the best thing is today at exam she speaks to me... like normal like tt... totally dun feels she hates me... yy? then during exam half way can't really dig my memories out... tired plus i keep on noticing her... although i didn't look at her but my heart is thinking about her... wat's wrong man... like i cheated her like tt... yyy? y can't i concentrate... wat's wrong with me... tell me pls.... y am i still thinking about her, haiz...
Ay recently i found tt alot of ppl c my blog leh... so ugly also got ppl c... sucks... stress... but watever... i already told myself to change... if i feel anything i just say... dun like ur own business... wanna back stub me? try~~ welcome always... wanna kill me? wow... i love u if u do so... wahaha.. doesn't affect at all la... dun believe? i show u... I DUN LIKE LAO JON!!! ahahaha...

2:02 PM
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Saturday, September 10, 2005
Chapter63: Dream Resurrection... (Short break by the river)

'"I feel it... it's u... someone i need most... i can get out of this world as long as i have u with me... i realli need u..." blop... cough... i was choked... wat the... i had fallen asleep in the river... too tired n hungry... but wat is the feeling? erm? btw who am i? where did i came from? now then i notice... i dunno who i am... all the while i was just thinking to survive... i remember i was in the sea... ya tt's the part where i lost my memories... i call tt the sea of uncertain memories... i'm so lost... wat's my name? i got nothing in my pocket except the torch i found by the beach... erm? torch? shit... i put it in my pocket n my clothes r all wet... wonder it still working... it's not... but i think letting it dry may help... hope so... haiz... watever... where am i? haha i was nearly drown in the sea of uncertain memories, then dunno how i come to the beach... alot of bats one... then i walk walk then went into the woods of Gaia, then now lying in the river, Silver river of? Silver river of Albino Fetivum... yea, think i like giving things name... ha... I saw one of it swim pass... haha erm? how i know tt fish? seems like one of my favourite fish i think... at least something is back into my mind... keke... time to catch fish... erm... there's some seabass, confirm edible one... haha'
Hoho... nowadays i getting back my memories well haha feeling good... exam coming, all the while i was paying attention in class... cos the lessons really interest me... erm... but i dun think i put in enough effort yet... felt tt ppl r better than me... alot... this is the way i choose, so i should do it best... must be more enthu liao... decided to memorise everythink quick... n if i got extra time, i would like to memorise all the recipes tt i had done so far... surely useful for my next semester... next semester is the time to show creativity n skills... the time has come... i promise... i won't lose out yea?
Yaya, i got a nice dream yesterday, about my future... i was torture by my lousy fan plus the mosquitoes n the humidity in my room yesterday night... i almost reach 4 o'clock at night then can sleep... wa... bey lun ah... but then when i wake up at 12 o'clock i feel so good... ooo... the nice dream last night... i always got different dream about my future... but none of them had happened to me yet... haha everytime wake up feel so sad... but nvm... cos now i accept it as a dream n not my fate... n i promise to make my dream into life... i create my fate, n not my fate creates me...
Haha... becos i bo liao go n write a story... feel like writing more... hoho... quite lame the story... but it's just for my pleasure... hehe... ermm got idea liao then write... hoho...
'Hey it's hard to catch fish bare handed man... perhaps, should try make some equipments... wahaha...'

2:08 PM
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Friday, September 09, 2005
Chapter62: How strong r u? (Woods of Gaia)

How strong do u think u r? huh? o_O kuku... today went to school do some highlight on my coming exam... then went home straight away... damn sian... nowhere to go... then i saw this er, 8 or 10 years old kid, scolding n scream his mother... wat the hell, i laugh abit... if tt kid is being throw in a forest with nothing, wat will happen... evil sia.... hehe... wahaha... sure cry like u know wat... wahaha... bad sia... wat if i'm in the forest? haha... as long i dun kanna eaten by anything i should be able to survive at least a day ba... haha
'Shhh.... shhh.... erm? it's morning... hey! it's sunrise... wow... so beautiful... look around... now then i know how big is this place... i c the sun rising beyond th horizon... nothing is blocking my view... wow... keke... i'm not dead yet....
Get up n starts walking into the entrance i saw yesterday... once i step inside, the place is totally different from outside... damp n very moist feeling all around me... there water flowing down my face... it's not sweat... it's condensed vapour... wa... water dripping everywhere from my body... it's dark inside here... the deeper i get inside the darker it becomes... my pupil is growing to adapt with the darkness here... it's still visible... so save batt for my touch...
"Piak!!!" a very loud sound came from around 30 m from my 8 o'clock direction... it's a sound of large item dropped on wet ground... i slowly move to a tree n turn to c wat's tt... "oooh!!!" boom boom boom... the sound getting closer... it's a bear... not cute at all... a giant size bear stands nearly 2.5 meter... i guess so... the fear it brings is horrible... my pores open wide... insects around me disappear in a moment... wat should i do?
I think i better do nothing... it's looking at my direction... i dun think i should run... i will lose to him... i dun think i should climb up the tree, it's a pro in climbing... i dun think i should attack it... cos it will be angry n i dun stand a chance of winning against this giant... erm... maybe i should look friendly n dun ka chiao it... i just sit down there n smile at it... hehe...
It's coming to my direction... faster... n even faster... dead... i think... no chance i will survive it's charging... wanted to run... but legs not listening to me... wahhh!! erm? it jumps up the tree beside me... hit the branch n a bee hive drops... drops back down n grab the hive... the fur is too thick for the bees to sting it... haha luckily it's not coming after me... carry on to move inside... deeper...
I hear water flowing... it's like 100m away ba... ear becomes sharper than usual... hehe perhaps there's water n maybe i can bath... wooohooo.... walking faster... but in the woods, it's quite impossible to walk fast... some of the out grow roots is bigger size than me, i have to climb over them... getting closer... ha, i c light... hoho... i saw it... the river... wow very big... around 20 m wide, n dunno how long... but most important is the river is crystal clear... still got fishes... wahaha...
Here i strip... hoho... the happiness in me is unexplainable... the water is fresh... nvr taste so fresh... no taste of chlorine... i feel like a fish... erm? fish? if i keep on drinking the water here i may survive for awhile... but may not for long... fishes r good in alot of things... must eat... at first thinking of surviving, now thinking of surviving longer... keke... problems starts... how am i going to catch the fishes? they r fast n slippery... n how i'm going to eat them? like a bear? or should i start the fire? how? i would love sashimi but cook one is better for me now... erm...'
Haha c? surviving in the forest with nothing is tougher than u imagine... but isn't tt the world is actually in tt situation at first? where the tap water comes from? trains, telephone, fire, lights, everything... where they from? from our ancestors who creates n passed down every batches... till today we have everything... but human r greedy... they wan more... n kids tt grow up in this world will think tt everything is for granted... keke if tt kid is in the forest, he will die during the first two paragraphs... i can't confirm i will survive too... our parents creates alot of things given by the ancestors... although they may do things wrong sometimes, but should it be the way we shout at them? unless it's choiceless, if not i won't wan to... wake up kids... treasure wat u have... in chinese there one phrase, "when u r drinking the water, think where it came from..."

4:12 PM
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Chapter61: Just one truth!!

'So cold... so dark... hope my batt dun run out... i was walk along the beach for hours, n i can't find a entrance to get into the woods... this feeling is horrible... i can't run all the way... my energy is limited... hope i have fire n food... i'm so hungry... will i live till tml? exhausted... i fell on my knees n sit down... will i die? suddenly something hit my head... ouch... my head is bleeding... wtf, wat is tt? ouch hit again infront bleed oso... i shine my torch light up... i'm stunt... the whole red sky is filled with 'ufo'... wat is tt? one of them fly straight to my face n i block it... i see... it's bat... alot of them... doesn't matter my torch is on anot... they r blind... i know i can't die here... using my touch as a weapon... trying to whack them... i got a few down... but there's too many of them... i can't run... i can't win them... i onli can die... someone save me...
Drip drip... erm? shit? no... it's rain... it's raining... thunder flashing... i off my torch n keep it in my pocket... i still need this... a few of their bodies r still struggling on the beach... i stepped on them to kill them... stoned for awhile... realli enjoyied killing them... "die, bastard... die..." i kneed down n pick one up... i hesitate... i bite on them... this is the onli food i can find now... if i dun eat them i will die... surely die... i even swallow their bones... 8 of them... ooh... i'm full... now even in the rain i'm not tt cold'
Haha... suddenly feel like writing story leh... so write loh... training my creativity... hoho... haiz... recently got someone giving comments on my blog... giving me advices... haha i may need them la... ask who issit but he/she just dun wan to tell me... from wat he/she writes, i roughly can guess liao... but i can nvr confirm who issit... unless i can think of a trick to let him/her show face... hehe... got a trick in my mind... but to perform this trick must have very good acting skills leh... haha now i say this here will make it even more difficult to trick tt person... hehe nvm la... i'm not good at acting n no energy to perform this trick liao... wahhh... sianz... but of cos i feel very happy tt SHE can give me all this advice... correct?-_*
Since i already say untill here liao, must well say how i guess tt person one... haha maybe i'm wrong la... firstly, she started giving me comment at chapter 44... tt time i already thinking tt this person should be someone i know n chat for a few times one... secondly, when i ask her whether she's a male or female she give me this answer... "i am making u live better. will any man call another man boy? or say anything like that in my first comment for u? or.. waste his time 'comforting' u instead of watching soccer leagues on tv now? does it matter to u that i'm a male or a female then? who i am really matters?" at first sight i was thinking... haha should be guy ba... sway leh... sounds like a gay...(jk la)... i move my attention to, this is a guy, this side... i even find friend to help me feel whether she a guy or gal... tt friend say should be a emotional guy but also have possibility is a gal... got help like no help sia...( wahaha jk la... thanx yea?) but i took a second look at this again... it's maybe my english got problem, or she purposely using a way to put the words so i will felt tt she's a guy in the first place... keke... i think she a gal... hoho
Thirdly, on chapter 50, i wrote about my friend call delvin, n the comments for tt chapter by her is like she know delvin... fourthly, inside her blog, there's one comment by a friend of her's, the name is "seva alieva" this name sounds familiar to me... i think tt's all ba... as long i dun trick her to tell the truth i won't be able to confirm who is he/she... unless she tell me la... i hate to play guessing games... but my curiousity is growing... keke i once told ying, i will find tt person out no matter wat... "just not to disgrace my grandfather's name..." haha sounds familiar ah? haha but now i'm tired... u win this game...
'My life' i thanx for wat u do... no matter who u r... but r u sure u understand me tt much tt u can give me the advice tt i will really need? i wan to know who r u, so i can determine how much of ur advice i can use... or else i onli can use ur advice same as any strangers'... tt's y i wan to know who r u? so i can give advice back to u as a present... i think my life is quite fuck up... but i'm growing everyday... perhaps one day u may need my help... this world no one is special... u just need to give ur happiness... as well as ur sadness... not for sympathy... in life there's always happiness n sadness... just have to help ur friend out of their sadness when u still have extra strength to do so... this link is call friendship... it's in ur life n also... 'My life'
'Blood all over my mouth... hair also... u may found it's disgusting... but tt time i won't... i'm sure nobody will... walking on just like a zombie... rain stops... in the end, u r the one tt's helping me yea? my friend up on top... my wounds hurts... but to live till tml i have to wash them with sea water... pain... not much feeling liao... i hear insects talking... erm haha watever... shone my touch at tt direction... it's the entrance... entrance to the woods... think i rest myself under the tree till sunrise... think it will be safer...' continue...

2:59 PM
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Wednesday, September 07, 2005
Chapter60: The light in CHAOS

'I struggle hard to get out of the sea of uncertain memories... the more i struggle the deeper i sinks... untill i give up n relax... slowly i lost conscious... when i wake up i tot i was dead, n i'm should be in hell ba... do so many bad things... but my instinct told me there will be light somewhere... the sand is cold... my clothes r wet... the onli way to feel better is to run... makes me warmer... finally, i saw it... the light... when i reach out, i understand... i'm still alive...'
Just tt i didn't exercise much tt's y my memories kanna block when i not enough sleep... metabolism rate increase becos of stress, but memory block plus energy unable to produce quick enough becos of insufficient sleep will cos illusion n uncontrolled mental tension... n carry on like tt, social life n work life will be strongly affected...
Lossing the abilities to concentrate n multi-tasking is pretty dangers n annoying... especially when u r confident tt u can do it n suddenly u lost the ability for a while... accident can happen...
I know earlier on, sleeping is extremely important... but now i understand exercise is important too... i'm a human, not vampire... although i love blood la... hoho... nowadays i try to relax abit... taking my own sweet time, thinking ways to solve problems... indeed memory's getting better abit... haha maybe abit to relax tt's y nvr plan time properly during pratical exam today n cut my own finger 4 times on the same spot... KNNBCCB... last minute over exert my multi-tasking ability then can't concentrate work in direct hand then cut myself... sway sia.... nail broken... haiz... hope can at least pass ba...
'Now i found this touchlight... it's up to me to find the way out of this place call "CHAOS"...'

10:53 PM
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Monday, September 05, 2005
Chapter59: I know I will never reach it...

The Cape of Storms by hyde, chorus fifth and sixth line... "so where has love gone, will i ever reach it?" i know.... i will never reach it... no point comforting me... it's useless 'my life'... hope i can be drown in this sea of uncertain memories...

6:36 PM
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Chapter58: I'm sorried... Or not?

U c? i forgot which chapter i stop n wat i wrote at the last sentence... it good i remember i'm writing a blog...
she told me friday got fk on last thursday... i didn't remember she told me at ALL! nvm before i have fk i still have poc lesson.. so when my friends say tt day got fk i was a bit shock... just abit sian... nvm... then they ask she nvr tell me meh? i say dun have leh... maybe she dun like me la... aiya nvm... just stay back for an hour or so won't die one...
Then one of my friend ask her, y didn't she tell me... she said she told me... on msn n i replied... wtf.... i was stuned loh... when did i reply... i totally can't remember a fuck shit... nvm it's ok... i'm old... important thing is she sounds angry... erm... my friend is abit k po la... but he speak nicely loh, y she angry? wat ever it is, i shoud say sorry if she realli got tell me... so i speak with her on msn... said sorry n explained everything... after tt.... she didn't talk to me at all... wtf...
Ay, even it's my mistake she shouldn't be angry just like tt loh... wtf... y dun tok to me? i said sorry for a few times these few days... just dun hope tt she's angry... but she still didn't communicate with me, except for those things she need to inform me as a class rep... ahhh... watever... i already told myself to be myself... no point pleasing ppl like a dog... u dun like? just fuck off... but y i say sorry this few days? issit becos i had no confidence of my memory or ...
As wat i observed... i will onli be like tt in front of someone i really treasure... but do i treasure her? arghh... i think not onli my memory is failing, my mental have some problems... maybe tt's y i'm called ah siao...

6:14 PM
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Chapter57: Lost in the sea of Uncertain Memories...

Do u ever felt tt u have memory of something but u just can't confirm about it... i always have... no matter i felt, c, hear, taste or smell... i always have this experience... most probably a dejavu i told myself... issit true? or maybe i saw it in a show or wat... i can't remember... friends said tt i got super good memories... this makes me wonder... but no matter wat, if i can confirm i didn't experience tt thing before i will surely stand firm n say i didn't experience it...
Recently i found tt my memory trying to fail me... i can't really remember wat happen yesterday, or even the moment ago... i was like copying something said by my teacher, then he said something special i sure must copy, example like melt the butter when the pan is hot... n i wanted to write it down, when i place my pen down at the paper, i forget wat he said... wtf... horrible... n not once n is always... can u imagine i forget to take something from my locker n i went out n take, after tt i came back n i found tt it's not in my hand n i went out again... i open my locker, the thing not inside it's on top off the locker... i went back in again n i found tt it's still not in my hands n i have to go out again n take... this is crazy... worst than my mum... i'm lost... n becos of this memory problem i created troubles...

5:57 PM
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Friday, September 02, 2005
Chapter56: I wish...

If u asking me for my wishes... first wish, i wish i will be very lucky for the rest of my life... cos i already sway for 20 years... haiz... second, i wish all my loved ones will be happy till they r dead... third, most important... i wish.... secret... haha guess urself...

12:25 AM
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Thursday, September 01, 2005
Chapter55: His Song; The Cape of Storms

Words by: Hyde /Music by: Hyde

So where do I sail?

A ship losing control

My cries swallowed up,

lost in the raging sea.

So where has love gone?

Will I ever reach it?

The Cape of Storms echoes the pain I feel inside.

You'll never notice

The colour of sin

Just as the storm clouds close in

It's dark.

Here in the shadows

I am pursued

Until the ends of the earth

Embraced.

The ghost ship wanders far

For there is no guiding star

And this treasure has no meaning anymore.

So where do I sail?

A ship losing control

My cries swallowed up,

lost in the raging sea.

So where has love gone?

Will I ever reach it?

The Cape of Storms echoes the pain I feel inside.

You know completely

The taste of sin

Melting sweet in your mouth

Like chocolate.

A moment of pleasure

You are fulfilled

But every dream has its time

To die.

The ghost ship wanders far

For there is no guiding star

And this treasure has no meaning anymore.

Will this be my fate?

So where do I sail?

A ship losing control

My cries swallowed up,

lost in the raging sea.

So where has love gone?

Will I ever reach it?

The Cape of Storms echoes the pain I feel inside.

7:38 PM
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Chapter54: WTF(Water The Flower)

WTF... this is one of my greatest birthday so far... friends bought cakes for me, although kanna sabo, but it's fun... thanx oh-jon... although yaqin is the first one msging me... hehe so happy... although my mum cook sharkfin's soup for me... although onli one bowl n strange without remainder and i think it's prirated one... but nvm... thanx mum... although i decided to go out with my good buddy jeremy, n stop my project for a while, but..... she didn't msg me for the whole day... i missed her... do i have the right? i didn't really talk to her n i can't even cheer her up... issit love? watever fuck... i won't die if i mistaken it as love... n even it's love, it won't change her abit... but just thinking about her... looking at her pics... n her blog... WTF?! the gal tt wanted to take her bf away from her tt gal is one day birthday b4 me... or the same date... WTF? wat a coincident... seems like both of us two dog guy n dog gal just wanted to seperate this couple... will this be my fate? so wat if it is... so wat? just shut the fuck up n concentrate on wat u really need to do now, Ah Siao....

7:23 PM
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Chapter53: Misunderstandings

Recently i found quite alot of misunderstandings... haha yesterday u know who's the first one who msg me for my birthday? surprisingly is yaqin... haha thanx... she's the best gal i think i can find in my class... best... although others have their good points too... haha then when i came back yishun with my friends, someone ask me... issit true tt i'm trying to snatch yaqin away from alan? haiz... i know someone will sure think this way one... but y should i care wat u think? i just do wat i think's right... alan should know the best becos i had explain to him.... but of cos if he still wan to anyhow think, then i also bo bian... erm... my sixth sense tells me tt he's thinking anyhow again... watever... kill me if u dare...
On one of my blog i written a prayer... it's the pity i had of a friend... she got some trouble with her bf, n she seems real confused... but i'm not interested in her orh... pls dun misunderstood my meaning... mabel is just a flower's name... mabel morrison... use to describe her...
onli got two la... but it seems to lead to a big problem... haha

6:09 PM
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Chapter52: Happy Birthday!

Happy Birthday Ah Siao!!! haha today is my birthday... nothing much special... but this year seems better... the last time celebrate with my friends is 6 years ago... haha... this year is after 6 year eating my own birthday cake... i got told ppl about my birthday but nvr expected the cake... thanx guy... DCS 'C' class... i dunno wat a birthday boy have to do, n wat expression should i give... i'm just stunted... haha... and also lots of thanx to those ppl tt msg me today...

6:00 PM
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