LVYN

Monday, August 29, 2005
Chapter51: I'm just a useless fuck!!!

At least i try... i won't regret... i told her everything... my feeling... in the end, she ask me issit a crush? fuck... can't be it... fuck... maybe she's right... watever... doesn't matter at all... at least i tell her... even she run away it's alright... hurt like fuck... arghhh.... i feel it... nvr ending sorrow... who can help? arghhh...
whether it's a crush anot, she can't do anything... hope she really can treasure wat she wans... arghhh!!! did u hear tt? she say she need him so much... really love him... then u still wan to tell her all this rubbish... r u a human? fuck... i hate u... u bloody useless fuck... go n die... no one will pity... arghhh... enough... it's enough....

11:54 PM
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Chapter50: Incarnation of love

I love her... hope can be with her... but she choose someone else...i have no way to let go... hope she's happy... after somewhile, i fall for another one... but too bad she's not interested in me... have to give up again... and again... and again... and again... dunno how many times... so how? life still goes one... a crystal glass heart had been broken and mend up again and again... untill it cannot be like last time... wat to do? life still goes on... everytime said tt this is the last time... but it's nvr ending... endless sorrow... should continue to pursue her, tt will lead to onli unhappiness? delvin had already show me tt example... so much effort he puts in, in the end he gone nuts... he had already gave up on her... ya i think tt's good... but if he give up so easily then will be like me, tortued by the incarnation of love...
She is confused... cry n cry... she's so cheerful always... becos of loving tt guy... she become like this... i did everything i can to cheer her up... but luckily the problems seems to settle down... good for her... bad for me... the sorrow is with me now... confused by love, stress by studies, and torture by surviving... y can't i break down n cry? throw everything away n hide somewhere... get crazy n go n move house to woodbrige chalet... fuck...
i was asking myself... whether to put everybody's eye sight away n just be myself... i got my own attitude too... for me, happy with me come if not fuck off... but i can't... cos i won't succeed much with my attitude toward others... even for my family... i have to act... onli some friends i dun have to act... but for love... i will be myself... the real me... follow my own principle... dun like it? just fuck off... i dun need to purposely make u happy so u will be pleased n be with me... if u wan me to treat u good, make sure u deserve it... this is my principle n my love... i will stop here... stop the wheel of incarnation... stop for her... untill fate comes...

9:09 PM
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Sunday, August 28, 2005
Chapter49: My PrayersIV; For my love and your happiness

Don't know from when,

I found that I'm attracted by you...

Your eyes

So beautiful...

I want to hold your hand now,

but you are holding his...

Never mind,

it's alright.

As long you are happy...

It's alright,

I will still be here for you,

as long I'm alone...

Someone from above,

please give her the happiness she deserve,

let her harvest the fruits that she planted with trust.

Shine the light on this beautiful Mabel,

and let her colours be alive.

1:54 AM
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Saturday, August 27, 2005
Chapter48: Liar

I hate liars... they make u trust them then it's actually fake... i also dun like hypocrite... i dun like betrayer... all this guys r fuck up... i just dun like la... but myself is like tt... i did alot of things which is different from wat i say n wat i normally show ppl... it's not my true self... i wan to show my true colours... but i know... if i do so, trouble will come n i will have much lesser friends n more enemies... wat a pain.... even some of the things on my blog r fake... haiz... issit to protect myself or to get myself in to a better place?

7:02 PM
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Friday, August 26, 2005
Chapter47: Hell Week... Limit Break LV.3

Last week a joker call me out to watch midnight show.... in the end wander from one cinema to another... then found tt all the cinema r closed.... so decided to go swenson orchard to spend money.... dunno spend how much... then talk cock whole night till 4 plus... go on night rider... she go first n i found tt my last bus had gone for dunno how long.... so i decided to take cab.... the meter 8 seconds jump 10 cent.... midnight charge 50%...when i get out of the cab i left 10 cent.... at this lead me into hell week...
A person like me can't survive with the 10 cent, so i take money from my mum....10 dollar... enough for me to take cab the next morning to school cos i'm late.... fuck! nothing to eat... have to beg from ppl.... haiz... stunt to know tt i owe some ppl money.... argghh.... decided to work hard for money.... try not to eat outside... n will nvr take cab...
Monday working swissotel after school, tuesday to thursday ritz carlton, friday saturday go yishun do project, sunday go work again.... seems easy... but u were me, noone will feels good man... exam coming.... stress untill can't shit... yesterday is the most difficult day of hell week.... and comes today... shit like hell... shiok... hoho... n now i'm here doing project... haiz... 1st semester finishing soon... now i learn the way to manipulate my money... time to wake up...

8:11 PM
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Chapter46: Forbidden Lover

Now i know... actually i am, for other ppl, a FORBIDDEN LOVER... now i know... i make myself into one...

8:08 PM
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Thursday, August 18, 2005
Chapter45: Volcano Eruption

First of all, who's the one writting a comment for my last blog Chapter44? the name is 'my life'... who sia.... seems like someone i know for quite long.... if tt person read this pls tell me who u r... so touching...
I was in a chaos nowadays.... finding jobs to eat up my limited resting time after school... although this change into money... but it feels tough... ppl without this experience won't know... studying from monday to saturday.... working also from monday to saturday.... sleeping time getting lesser n lesser.... and the money i get back is just for surviving.... plus a bit of entertainment... really abit... went northpoint yesterday n smells starbucks... control myself not to go but my legs still bring me there n my mouth ordered a cheese cake n a rhumba frappuchino.... then my hands go take the food n put inside my mouth.... i try not to eat.... but it's delicious.... although coffee bean is niecer... n i found tt i left 14 bucks... damn.... tt's the entertainment i get for working for almost one week.... haiz...
Working sure have good n bad things going on.... c whether the things u wan can beat the unwonderful things u get... i knew this long ago b4 entering ns... but then getting more n more fed up nowadys.... ppl take thing for granted when i started to help them.... if the person i think i felt worth helping i will put in all my effort to help them.... some really appreciate, tt's wat i wan.... some give me more as if it's my job.... getting $6 per hour,i'm doing work like $12 per hour... always put a trap in my mind, calm down no matter wat's going on.... just calm down... n think of the best way to solve it.... but my tolerance is reaching the limit.... kids in my school r really kids... time to play time to serious... n always leave a show of respect to others... but they just dun get it.... arghh... not only kids... some guys who r elder then me r still in this mess... wa.... i can feel the volcano in me is burning....
Went out for lunch at coffee shop today... those guys r irritating me.... i dunno wat the hell the r talking.... every noise they make just irritate me... if i didn't get away without saying anything, i most probably in police station now.... crazy.... feel like whacking them.... am i still childish? or everything has a limit.... i need rest....

7:33 PM
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Saturday, August 13, 2005
Chapter44: Wat can it be?

I found tt i'm lacking of something tt will led me into success... but i can't really figure out this... but i think b4 i can figure out i need to rest first... haiz... my life has entered into this unforbiddable battle.... Endless...

6:59 PM
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Thursday, August 11, 2005
Chapter43: Limit Break LV.2

Had been working yesterday after my school... although abit rush but still in time for work.... too bad no time to eat dinner.... as usual busy... alot of nsf came to have their p.o.p dinner here.... n i saw 2 ex class mates.... jun long n justin... botak.... haha... still ask me wat i'm doing there, finish ns already, wat i'm doing now.... blah blah.... happy to c them there... i'm damn hungry... hungry untill pain.... in the end broke glasses.... haha sad....
Finally can go home... tired... hungry... had an conversation with someone.... a gal giving me lots of trouble.... went home speak with her on phone somemore... untill 3 plus... really shack out... alarm put 7am n i knock out....
When i get back my concious it's already bright.... wonder b4 7am will the sky be so bright? bad feelings... over slept... alarm rang... it's already 7.22am. not too late.... if i wake up now change n prepare fast should be in time... but.... it will be very rush... haiz... take cab la... sleep abit more... alarm put 8.... still will be early if i take cab... hoho...
Phone rang.... ah di call me.... n he hangs up.... the time is 10.15am... WTF.... late... no... missed the first lesson... change n faster get off... take cab n fly there in 15 mins.... not late for 2nd lesson.... phew.... but i learn this lesson.... Energy manipulation.... learning human's body n apply on myself... Getting control of time n myself... wat's next to control in order to succeed? my body gets to limit again... this is the 2nd time i felt this from the time i start school... how many more times to go?

7:48 PM
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Tuesday, August 09, 2005
Chapter42: Happy Birthday...

Happy Birthday Singapore... 40 this year ya... must take care ok? haha.... i got a friend same day birthday as u.... haha hope nothing happen to u, ok? ur father put in so much effort to make u grow so big... alot of ppl from below n other countries let u become so strong, so dun easily fall down...k? wish u good luck all the way... as long i'm alive n no matter where i am, i will try to help u, not to let u fall... cos u r the one tt hold me up from young... hope u will nvr die, lion city...

7:34 PM
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Saturday, August 06, 2005
Chapter41: Event Catering...

Haha, i think alot of ppl know i in SHATEC now... a sad choice... but no regrets... wahaha... passion vs money.... Money K.O. Passion holds the championship in Vyn's heart.... wahahaha...
And most friends should know ba, i'm studying n working in the same time... $6 per hour... cheap labour but still worth it la... earning just enough to survive.... still cope with the time... abit tired... heard from one of my teacher today, we r going to have a subject call event catering in 6 more months time... everyday work.... tt means i won't have time to work part time... hoho... sad... but the worst thing is i won't be paid... working at a restaurant either a PETALS, a up-market coffee house or ROSETTE, a fine dinning restaurant.... meals r provided... but not being paid.... most likely i will be working there for 6 months... die... at least now my pay i still can buy some cds or take cab to school this kind of luxury.... but when tt time comes... i can't even support my train fare.... a dead knot.... haiz.... onli way is to save right now... so at least i won't feel so much pain when the time comes.... god bless....-_-"

2:00 PM
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Chapter40: LIBRA; The GOD's weighing scale...

I think most ppl will know.... there's a very big statue at the top of the Singapore supreme court.... most courts in the world have it... it's guy/gal, holding a sword on one hand n a weighing scale on the other end... wat does tt means? it's the meaning of justice... noone can escape the web of the law... so wat's justice?
I remember telling Aries one thing... law r meant to be broken... human gang up n form government... where alot of ppl in the country agrees... then they created law as a protection to protect weaker ppl... everybody should know.... murdering is a crime... the person maybe sentence to death... y? cos tt person kill someone... so he must be killed... then how about the person tt kill this murderer? keke... they break their own law... humans r stupid n selfish... is this the true face for all person?
alot of ppl in this world like to help other ppl... some thinks tt doing so will go heaven, some thinks tt like tt they will feel better seeing others getting better... some felt tt they will be more respected by others... ain't all this selfishness? the first n third example no need to say, but the second one? cos they wans to feel better... human will care for themselves no matter by physical or mental... but issit right or wrong?
So last question.... wat's right wat's wrong? according to chinese religions... most r written as, when a person do bad things they go to hell... got alot of level.... depend on wat they done wrong... then how do the god judge? heard tt saying lies will go hell n cut of ur tongue... haha... then how? everybody onli got one tongue... how many times can be cut? haha.... so how the god judge? where will i go? some religion say tt if u believe in god u will go heaven.... er.... in this case i would rather go hell... so wat's is right wat is wrong... where is the god's weighing scale be? where can in be? onli answer should be in our hearts... everybody got a heart tt decide wat's right wat's wrong.... isn't it true? keke still got alot of question to ask... but... next time ba... perhaps death will bring the answer....

1:36 PM
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Tuesday, August 02, 2005
Chapter39: Money vs Passion

As most of my friends know.... i'm studying in SHATEC for Culinary Skill... i wan to use this to be more career n becos i like it.... but something bad happen...
My cos tutor Mr Ignitius Leong told us something.... he said, when we had finished our studies n attachment, we can go out find job.... the normal starting pay for us should be $1000 gross.... -_-" very little.... gross leh... tt means we still ave to minus cpf all this n our pay should be $800+...wat kind of pay is this man... like toilet cleaner's pay.... maybe after a few years or so we can get around $1500 or even more, but dunno have to wait how many years... of cos it's enough to use.... try not to spend so much, just eat, transport, rental fee, give parents, should left $200+... dun go out play n save the money, after a few decades maybe can buy my own house...
How? dun marry loh... like tt should be ok la.... haha when have the urge then go geylang loh.... cheap cheap, somemore no responsibility... haiz.... suddenly got abit regret.... but is this the end? i choose my passion to be my career... so onli way is to do the best... abit cruel... but this is the onli way out.... maybe i go out my pay is $1000+... then if i work at 2 place leh? one is full time, the other is part time... as long as i plan the time to the maximum limit i should be able to cope.... manipulating of time... this is one the best skill of mine... wahaha...
Work at 2 place, one place work the other place off... try to make tt one of the 7 days in a week will be my off day... then can sleep untill shiok n clean up my place, then find some time to visit my parents... keke like tt my pay will be near to double of my friends... n experience will be double also.... hoho.... but one thing.... i won't have much time to know gals, play... also good la... can save money... just like now... haiz.... tt means my this kind of lonely life still have to carry on for years.... T.T"

1:46 PM
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