Saturday, December 31, 2005
Chapter137: Hopeless
Recently saw this...
"Why do Lucifer choose to go to hell?
Because he's hopeless..."
He actually was a angel... but he choose to go hell... becos the person he respect most dun trust him... this is wat i found out...
I told her... i already at the edge... dun push me anymore...but she still... haiz... forget it... i had already fall off... dun think she cares... who cares? think YR would be very happy tt i fall of the edge to join him... but... wat's the hope in life? i gave up... but he dunno... i will nvr fall to the same place as him...
As i browsing through the web pages i often c... i get more n more hopeless... nothing much i can do anymore... another danger coming... breaking my head to find ways to settle it... i will n i know i can... dun dare to think far in the future... wat's near, i already having a difficult time... haiz... good bye...
1:35 PM

Wednesday, December 28, 2005
Chapter136: Important person...
Who's the most important person to u... most ppl will grade it in this way... anyone tt can replace the position in ur heart is the least important person to u... would u choose to let ur child die or ur wife die? when young ppl will choose child cos can make again... will u let ur wife die or ur parents, ppl normally will choose wife, cos can find a new wife... but i'm different wise... dunno y also...
But noone will wan important ppl around them die cos it's important.... i'm important to u? u r indeed pretty important to me although we didn't know for long... hope i will also become a important person to u...
3:36 PM

Monday, December 26, 2005
Chapter135: Daze
Went hilton with her today morning... interview... trying to get closer to her... but dun dare... haiz... dunno la... slowly ba... no rush... as long as she's comfortable can liao... after tt when to sha villa to recce... cos soon i will be there doing my event catering... the whole 7 weeks... haiz... but damn inside loh... nvm... really like haunted like tt... but funny thing is i found tt the toilet cleaner is god damn polite loh... nvr shave la, n then sweat like hell... smelly but he's realli very polite... better than the students there... haha funny... then go outside saw a shop call 'crystal cafe'... the buffet quite cheap... but the alarcarte is damn ex loh... buffet look like shit leh.... not nice... but the alarcarte chicken rice also very normal ma... onli bigger by abit onli... realli abit... 12 dollar plus... plus coffee gst service charge, 17.85... ccb... not going to eat there anymore... n somemore no nets... have to give my ic n go press money... fuck up la...
Then go cos way walk walk... so tired... then go yishun walk walk... then landed up here... very bo liao go read ppl's blog... read ** ***'s blog as usual...c the way she say things realli very small gal, although she trying to be big gal... happy for her... then bo liao go search her sis's blog... i like this music... look at the photo... like ma chiam we know for thousand years like tt n actualli we dunno each other... haha dreaming... maybe we met before... keke... then saw ** ***'s boy's blog... hehe... he got blog sia... k la... seriously i think this guy is pretty good as a bf... haha good luck... happy for u... read ***'s blog n found tt her music n ** ***'s blog music pretty the same... funny... the feeling they give me is also pretty the same wat... keke wat a coincidence... read ****'s blog... she's sad... i know... quarrel again... haiz... should i help? dun think so... i dunno... leave it... i noone to interfere... she won't listen... read her blog... i didn't appear... maybe she wan it to be a secret or... i dunno... i dunno wat to write already... staring at the screen like *** often do when she's writting blog... dunno y... he didn't came out... cos it's so peaceful today...
If i can live to 100 years old... i will have 36500 days... if 30000 days is sad... i hope tt others will be happy... this is wat i think... so wat he thinks? gal... thank u... *** thank u... ** ***thank u... **** sorry... but i will keep my promise... u remember? i remember i cried becos of tt... ****, wish u happy for the new year...
7:46 PM

Sunday, December 25, 2005
Chapter134: I lose...
I know... i lose to him... tt guy deep in me... hate him.... when i hate him i become him.... i'm part of him... he's part of me... i tot i already get control of him... but... looks like getting worst... i will try my best to at least stop him... there will be a way...
I going to quit intercon... cannot work there anymore... i know y ppl dun like me liao... guys n gals... i know... becos of him... wat a excuse... u no need to care... now it's between me n him... he's a secret of mine... but now it's not... cos he's over taking me... i tried to balance it up... but he take overs... i didn't even notice... looking at others as a mirror of my soul... ya... i know my mistake... how am i going to balance me n him... i dunno...
In the script of taoist, i read b4, there's one call "da xue zi dao"... fucking long... but i remember a part in front... translation is, if u wan to make peace in world, u have to rule the country... if u wan to rule the country, create ur family... if u wanna create ur family, control urself first... if u wanna control urself, fix ur heart first... if u wan to fix ur heart, rule urself... sounds stupid when i say it like tt... but i think tt's sence la...
i can't even do the first thing... i skipping off... haiz... i.... am abit lost... abit... abit lack of confidence... she appear... i sence danger... correct or wrong? i dun dare to confirm... i had been fighting him since the time i'm born... i dun think i can make him vanish... but at least control him... i dunno... afraid... he's always stronger n faster than me... juat like a shadow... becos of him... my retribution came non stop... it's not the excuse i push all the fault on him... he's me...
All the retributions, i'm willing to take... but i have to stop the nonsence already... gal, hope u dun mind i getting abit weird... after i had revealed so many things... now i'm over stressed... not i dun wanna tell u... is i dunno how to tell u n there's too much to tell u... if i can say i will tell u ok? meanwhile, i will take all these myself... it's.... it's still the retribution... i guess...
9:37 PM

Saturday, December 24, 2005
Chapter133: War ends
Tml is the last day i work for this week... next week i haven't book any work... very damn fucking had enough of working at intercon... think i better get another job first... i got one from fish, is at hilton de... but dunno leh pay damn pathetic... erm think soon will go bras brasah there to ask got part time job anot... chinese restaraunt... the lay out quite amazing... wonder how good is inside... i wanna get kitchen job!!! tired of all this service problem liao...
At intercon hor... haiz... i'm in fault... but y no one just tell me straight in the face? ahhh... dunno la... fed up working there... but at least i learn something b4 i leave... n the fucking pay till now still haven't come... ccb... 500 become 200... how? Carrine better go check properly hor... i wan my another 300 in a week's time...
Some one came into my life... i dunno la... i now anything liao... zhou yi ge yi si loh... think she's good good gal la... haiz... i'm fucking dirty, irritating n naughty boy... haiz... c fate liao loh...
Change a new blogskin... think this one ok la... last one nice... but will c untill sian leh... cos 2 colour nia... this one also hor? nvm... sian then change loh...
Ya i now looking for lessons on mahjong playing... i willing to pay the base of 20 cent 40 cent 1 tai... anybody wanna play jio me loh... must be pro abit one orh... hoho...
10:16 PM

Wednesday, December 21, 2005
Chapter132: The Chalet
Haha went chalet these 3 days... just came back... it's at pasir ris costa sand resort... haha go there with my dcs c class classmates... basically the whole chalet is about gambling n drinking... dunno how much liquor we drink n i nearly knock out... then i join in to play mahjong... there r quite alot of my classmates r proffesionals... n i was trying to learn n let other of my friends play also... basically the whole 3 days 2 nights i onli sleep for 3 hours during the very ending part of this morning... all the way playing mahjong like nobody business... i learn alot...
I spend almost 24 hour there figure out how to play it better n learn it from my friend... ah di is one of the pro down there... haha learn from him loh... then yesterday night play for almost 5 hours with all the pro... with real money... wa die... they play super fast... i'm the slowest... but they all said i confirm got improve... i think so too... the first time i play with them i play about 30 mins i lost 28 dollars... but now i play for so long onli 15 dollar... at least got improve ya?
Haha... then sit mrt back home... tot i overslept when i reach outram... lucky i wake up... then sit NEL... reach clarke quay i knock out... wake up reach outram... eh? y like tt... the direction like funny leh... then i figure out i got straight to punggol n shoot back to outram... -_-" haiz... too tired... 3 days no sleep... then i sleep some more... reach clarke quay i sleep again... wake up at punggol... wtf... realli... stunning man... then all the way keep myself awake till i reach farrer park... wa... damn jialet... haha i spend total 3 hour sitting train... come out kanna fine $2... haha
Yesterday i rush out to beach after kanna fuck by ah bui... ah bui is person tt have good intention... but he dunno tt he's noone to fuck ppl like tt... but i know la... so actually i'm no angry with him... i'm piss of by some one... someone tt's pretty improtant to me... i dun dare to say of love... i think i have no rights already... it's just someone important... she became quiet suddenly n dun even tok to me when i ask her something... hurts... i know something bother her... not her tt piss me off... it's i can't do a shit tt piss me of... got a very strong negative tot in my brain tt moment... if i'm nvr born, noone will have the memories of me... noone knows me... i didn't exist... will she be better? will everyone be better? it's just a tot... wish her happy... n i always will wish so... :>
2:00 PM

Saturday, December 17, 2005
Chapter131: Wat's wrong?
Have been working for these few days... crazy working... haven't shit for 4 days... who cares... dun talk about it liao... so tired...
Today finally have a small break tt i can come lan shop n check mail... then bo liao go chat with ppl n read blog... haiz... now then i know... so many ppl hate me... so many sad things around... ah di ... haiz... dun talk about him.... sad case... walking the old route as i do... but i think he will do different wise... read ** ***'s blog... think i gave some wrong comments... die... think she hate me liao...
When i work these few days, i was being scold... of cos... but it's not my wrong... if i'm wrong, then everybody is wrong there... but y ppl trying to be so unfair? no matter how i think still not my fault... am i too stupid or am i correct? when i go there work, no matter who will also scold me... can feel the hatred... then i will sit alone during break time... but they call me to sit with them... but they dun even talk to me when i sit with them... they dun even care about me when i talk to them... wat they wan?
Wat i do wrong... if i'm wrong n being scold i nothing to say n will try to change my mistake... but y everbody hates me? the feeling the atmosphere... wat should i do? the dark side of me starting to be awaken... but b4 i let go of 'him', i shall judge myself one last time... i'm i wrong? and wat is WRONG? if i still felt unfair... then ok... trying to be fair to others, i will onli point my sword to the ones tt awakes 'him'... if my judgement is wrong, too bad... i'm stupid n childish ok? i'm like this...
2:34 PM

Tuesday, December 13, 2005
Chapter130: Pulau Ubin trip...
Wahaha when to pulau ubin today... go there cycle... actually important is to go there relax with friends la... working this whole week... must have some fun with classmates ma... if not will be very sian one... actually not very relax la... sweat alot... kanna sun tan... long time dun have this kind of contact with sun liao... happy... although realli dunno wat the hell we doing la... cycle here cycle there... down slope up slope... shack... but at least have fun with friends... tml another working day... thursday also... friday also... sat also... sun also!!! till monday then i can rest n have fun with friends in chalet... so bo bian need money... have to work... but still can comfort myself abit when waiting for the chalet to come... after chalet have to work again... if sat n sun got extra pay then i work if not go train up my body... long time no run le... them school starts event catering... then wait for my pay... always waiting... but sure my route now... is more happier... i make it more happier... but tt feeling comes again today... shake it of n concentrate on work tml ba... happy working!!!

Ah Di call me to take his act cool face while waiting for vincent... hehe
Snip Shot Vincent on cab... haha can't siam...
Doggy Black in the first temple while we stop n have some water...
Doggy White... hehe both of them so cute!!
Another snip shot of ano-neh in TM... not bad...so cool
Stupid Kenny...
Realli have a good day today... later go home bath then sleep... my ass is very pain... dunno tml how... haha...
8:53 PM

Thursday, December 08, 2005
Chapter129: Exams ended; war starting...
Finally today is my last paper... pastry... regret nvr study harder... nvm... wat is pass is pass... enjoy the holiday... ya like real... have to work like a dog... the last holiday i'm working like dog too... at ritz carlton... remember is 4 days 16 hours straight... steam ah... but next week, all the money gone... keke... this friday 2-11 swissotel... sat n sun 5-3 inter-continental...
Tt's it for this week... monday 10am go ubin cycle... too no life... must join in the fun... muahaha... so shiack... must think of next week schedule... erm... must combine life n work together... but best dun spend too much money... haiz... got things to fufill... but no money.... firstly have to return money first... then buy i-pod... actually after tt wanna take rtt de... but i will sure suffer like hell... erm... think save money first... no point think of things to buy... i wanna get the nokia n92 leh... but then my bro selling me his 3230... then by when i gonna buy another phone? n92 is a pretty excellent phone.... but of cos, i still can't find the perfect one... erm...
Maybe should be know when to be satisfied in life... erm... wat to buy next? PSP? palmtop? laptop? erm... if ah di wants his palmtop back then i buy one loh... if not... save loh... hoho... got a reason to save liao... so clever... i found the use for palm top... to record lots of things... like recipes... hehe... but i pod i sure must buy... most probably next feb... erm... can i? or march? arghhh... important is how i'm going to strive now... determines how i'm going to get wat i wan in the future... if i can't even get things tt money can buy how am i going to get something money can't buy? if i can't even control my limbs, how am i going to control others? but most importantly is if i can't stay alive how am i going do all these? so morale is... life is like a pyramid but it's standing on the smallest end, tt mean dou peng... spending the legs up to the heaven... alot of things inside... money, feelings, power, health... erm... alot la... measure at a correct way so the pyramid can go higher... once the base, tt means the head, tt means life breaks... everything will be gone... left... memories... keke... i like tt describe like damn chim... nvm... i understand can liao... haha
Back to the surface... wat i'm going to do now is to think of a way to get money money... erm... then of cos use it in the right way... most important is be able to survive n not to affect my career... tt's the objectives... n hint to survive happily is to enjoy the work, the ppl there... so... make more friends!! hehe... he says... we shall enjoy wat ever we do in the future... yeah... thanx for reminding... i will...
9:41 PM

Saturday, December 03, 2005
Chapter128: Passing by...
Haha pass by here n take a look... spend $1 to use for 20 min... check mail n write something here... have to work till 3 in the morning... hope i can hold on... haiz... tired... take care bloggy... take care everybody!!!
3:45 PM

Friday, December 02, 2005
Chapter127: Limit Break LV.4
Been through quite alot... suddenly think back... been almost 6 months i ord... doesn't seems like 6 months... like 1-2 year... alot happen... haiz... i changed alot this few months... i did alot of things wrong... n finally, another limit is going to break... among all my problems, relationship trouble me most... n tt's the one tt stuck me... am i selfish? i will let go as usual... am i doing it right? i dun bother... left with... money n career... tt one not i say settle then can settle... i onli can go on strong... always tot family problem won't come to me so soon... but just happen like tt... my fault... believe in the wrong principal... so, i have to change in this... i can... n slowly... i found tt i love myself more... issit? dunno... ya i love myself more... trying the fastest way to reach up high... although i'm tired always... but the result i believe is worth it... but living in this way really is lifeless... so sometime must pamper myself abit la... emotion manipulation... they won't believe... as jer says... i got the potential to do cb things... he onli can think but can't do so we have to combine in order to succeed... succeed wat? wat u mean by succeed? not say cb anot... just tt doing bad things to give ppl more happy things... not for myself... this principal won't change ba... wat i get it's just happiness... others i dun care...
1:33 PM

Thursday, December 01, 2005
Chapter126: Last dream
Left with this... all dreams' gone... to bring happiness... but i'm still thinking of wat i lost... he say, i better dun do it... cos it's a waste of money n time... in front of the public... fuck... feel so down... maybe i still not up to the standard to do this... ya far away... wat he say may not be right... who is he? my brother... who's crying? my mother... so much effort i put in r just wrong... let them understand me more is wrong... if even my closest i can't let them understand me, then no one will... i won't let anyone understand the realest me... n at tt time, even now... i wish tt i could go back where i came from...
9:05 PM

Chapter125: Work before exam
This week i working on tuesday 0700 - 2300 swissotel, wednesday1200 - 1700, friday 1600 - 2300, saturday 1700 - 0300 all in inter-continental... pretty xiong... did i made the wrong move? dunno... but i need money... too bad tuesday i onli work till 1700 cos have to chiong project... not enough money now liao... die... have to think a way loh... always like tt... haiz... having problems in projects, friends, work, family n most important, relationship... biggest problem... haiz... think i reach the limit already... i give up... noone believe leh... funny... i dun care... giving out to everybody... my expectation shouldn't drop... caculated there's onli less than one of the females hit my expectation... sec3 tt time is 4... expectation improve while growing... but i dun think will grow much ba...
First, must be good gal now... second must be independent... third, must be pretty to a certain extand... fourth, must have good temper n personellaty... haha say say onli dun take it serious... but if realli have this kind of gal i think world still got hope ba... haha
Humans, will change... n will change environment... how u change depend on u actually... dun blame the environment too much... be firm... n u actually can change others... i change ppl b4... but all under 18 ba i think... cos i'm not mature enoguh n not firm enough... am i mature enough now? dunno... most probably still a long way to go... but... guys, dun change for anyone... change for urself... i will go on, with my last dream...
8:29 PM

Chapter124: Practical Exam
Before i start anything, gonna do a flash back... got alot of things i gonna say to my bloggy... but can't realli think well now... too tired... so start with today then move backwards...
Today is my practical exam n the last one before i go for event catering... exam is like tt... everybody gonna pass up a asia dish n a main course... asia dish we know is wat... "Shrimp paste chicken" very easy... cut chicken, put shrimp paste, put corn starch, mix, deep fry... so easy... so no worry... difficult part is, main course... nobody know wat the hell we getting... instructor say, we will have all the vegetables ingredients we normally use... then starch must be potato n not others... n main item... random pick... get a number on monday... then today morning then we get the surprise... mdm flora pass me... first sight i tot chicken... then go back c again, eh? y the wing so funny one... so long... die... it's duck... one of the most "i like to eat" item... but one of the most "i dunno how to cook" item....
Mdm flora give us some hint on how she gonna do... some hint onli la... i stone there for a while... i can effort to stone... cos everybody cramp the whole "market"... all excited... maybe scare... then saw my ex partner... johnson a.k.a dirty old man, the face also damn sian... then i ask, wat u get? he take the thing n ram on the table... lamb shank... all time non-favourite... k la... give me i know how to do cos i do before... but too bad can't change... mdm say take it as a challenge... say nicer is like tt la... haiz... bo bian do loh...
most difficult part is to debone the duck... different from chicken... chicken i pro la... but this one... spend nearly half n hour to debone plus collect ingredients... manage to debone without breaking the skin... shiok... then take all the bone to boil... do simple brown stock... braise the duck... after tt roast the duck... inside the duck got herbs n nut stuffings... then chopped up the green apple, throw inside sauce... bring to extreme boil... strain, continue boiling... bast the roast duck... if i got the equipment i think i will try chinese cooking "Beijing roast duck"very powerful dish too bad use ang moh roasting loh... then i know the duck already cooked... continue like tt may become overcooked... scare... have to make it brown faster... but no honey... then use sugar loh... roast at 500 degree F... then the whole thing turn to full blast... scare if let the heat get inside it will overcook... high heat short time...
Then i notice i no need roux... cos in the bone marrow of the duck bone got gelatine which will thicken the sauce after reduction... hoho save time... actually cutted my hand a few times, but now i more zai liao so onli abit of skin goes... didn't c blood at all... but ah di cut his hand damn deep...he blame masumi for making his knife so sharp... stupid excuse... finally going to done liao... nearly forget my vege... last minute boil it ice it sauteed it... serve... the thing is like tt... mashed potato below, vege, roast duck on top... learn from inter-continental... sauce on top... then found this yellow thingy on my table... eh? lemon? i take lemon for wat? fuck, cos duck bone marrow n brown sauce's tomato paste is very easy eat till dun wan to eat item... then plus mash potato although they may not eat tt... but overall will make ppl very "ni" like eat too much cheese cake tt feeling... so must put citrus item to lift the feeling up... so i take lemon n green apple... but forget put lemon... wtf? haiz... add in on the plate a bit... so got two colour, can't find olive oil to push up the presentation... use fork to draw 4 line... but in the end become like a fire ball shape for the sauce... so happy create new technics... hehe serve...
Mdm flora didn't give comment in front of my friends but when i go help her she told me tt, she pretty surprise, but to go even higher standard, i have to brush up my sensation of my tongue... i'm still not experience enough, but good to continue learning... hehe so happy... she praise me leh... haha go home go brush my tongue... feel satisfied... hmmm got to buck up more... this is my career... think qualify to go next level...
After exam, go clarke quay a place call "brewerks" to chill... all the way from school to clarke quay, ah di, alvin, vincent, kenny n me talk cock all the way... all kinds of stupid cock... wah... really cockster loh they all... ah di n alvin under 18, so they kanna ban from drinking... then i drink untill drunk... do stupid things in the bright day light... then go capitol long john there knock out... alvin ah di n kenny go swissotel interview... then come back say wanna go damien place drink again... my head damn pain loh... haiz... so i walk here... hehe a pretty happy day... but must control money... tml after school then work... sian... but for money ma... waiting for the 15th to come... poor like hell liao...
7:41 PM
